Ashes to Ashes
by CloudRox1
Summary: [He made me feel...like I had a heart.] Roxas can only watch as Axel's final moments pass.


_Kamikaze--!_

Even sheltered inside Sora, Roxas felt the power of that attack. The sheer elemental force unleashed immolated the Dusks with little effort, but there were so many in Betwixt and Between that destroying them all was using so much firepower that the air itself seemed to be burning. Sora had shut his eyes against the blinding glare of the dancing flurry, bur Roxas was learning to separate himself slightly, seeing and hearing through phantom organs unable to fully detach themselves from the host. Roxas' formless eyes saw Dusk after Dusk fall under waves of pure flame, but what caught him was Axel himself. Axel's determined fierce expression, the hint of the grin permanently tugging at his lips, the nothing-to-lose glint in his eyes – another memory flared; flashbacks to a past that seemed so distant, to friends and colleagues from another time, another place. Axel dominated most of these memories, seemed to have gone everywhere with Roxas – the memories showed Axel wasn't lying when he'd said they were best friends before DiZ. This time, the thought wasn't of the redhead; it was Xemnas – the Superior – speaking of Nobodies and fighting…

"…_in a last-resort situation, concentration will loosen the bonds on the elements you control, allowing greater forces in attacks. However, this power carries a price, as all things must. The elemental might is connected to the Nothing that we are, tied to our Darkness…use of loosed forces will eat away at our fragile existences, weakening our corroded bodies. To fully break the bonds would unleash unimaginable power, but the cost would be dissolving back into the eternal Nothing from whence we came. .."_

The flares spearing away from Axel were more powerful than anything Roxas had felt before, brighter and hotter than any attack he'd seen – a swarm of thought burst into Roxas' head, screaming '_Axel's doing it Axel's breaking his bond of flame Axel's going to use all of his fire Axel's going to _die', reverberating around his mind like panicked wasps; he tried to shout, to stop the inevitable but Sora's body was Sora's and wouldn't let him scream—

Then all was silent. The flares dissipated in a brighter-than-white flash, and Sora opened his eyes. Roxas felt an uncomfortable sensation of double-vision before reluctantly letting the barely-supported ethereal eyes wisp away. He looked through Sora's eyes while they took in the distinct lack of Dusks now present. Sora let out a "Woah…", but Roxas mind was slowly filling with dread – only the immense power of the bond-breaking could destroy that many Nobodies at once, and then meant Axel could be—there! Sora noticed at the same time Roxas did, and together they ran towards the slowly-smouldering body.

_Is he…is he…_

The Nobody was still alive when they reached him, staring at nothing with a self-satisfied half-smirk. Streams of Darkness smoked upwards, bits of Nothing flaking away from him. Roxas was torn, part of him wanting to drop to the ground and weep, a smaller, cowardly part of him wanting to back away, not wanting to see his- his best friend like this. Sora made the decision for them, crouching next to Axel and stating the obvious.

"You're…fading away…."

_No!_

"That's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack," Axel laughed painfully. "You know what I mean?" He gave Sora a sidelong glance, and Roxas felt like Axel knew he was watching. "Not that Nobodies actually HAVE beings…right?"

_Stop it! We exist, that means we have beings! You know that…you were the one who told me…You _do_ know I'm listening, don't you? That comment was for me, just as much as Sora…_

Axel turned to look at them, and Roxas could see just how much hurt he was trying not to show, could see his eyes beginning to dull. It was as if all of his senses were heightened as Axel's were blunting – every shuddering rise of the other Nobody's chest, every suppressed wince, every breath catching as he spoke, every little motion so obviously forced and so different from his normal easy movements felt worse than anything ever had. It was the heart; the shades of emotion he'd felt before were nothing compared to the waves that each feeling sent crashing over him. He thought he'd gotten used to it by now, but as each of Axel's pain-filled movements hit him like a hammer he knew that raw emotion could never be controlled, held – he'd be feeling this loss long after Axel had disappeared.

"When we find her, you can tell her yourself."

Sora sounded so definite, so sure that the Nobody would pull through, it made Roxas feel worse. He had to block out the hope burning in Sora's heart – _his_ heart – because if he let himself believe the impossible, believe Axel would survive it, believe there was even the slightest chance that this might not be the end…the fall back to reality would crush him.

"Think I'll pass." Axel looked away from them with a wry smile, letting his head rest on the nothing below and staring without seeing at the nothing above. "My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." He let out a husky chuckle that was closer to a hacking cough than a laugh. The sound made Roxas wince and wish he could reach out, help him, touch him, reassure him comfort him_ shake_ him -

_-Damn it Axel…how can you be making jokes at a time like this?! You…you…damn it…!_

"Axel, what were you trying to do?"

Almost too mired in his personal emotional torrent to hear the question, the answer made Roxas sit up and listen.

"I wanted to see Roxas." Axel's voice softened, became almost wistful. At the same time, however, his breathing became more ragged and pronounced. Roxas knew it couldn't be long now before- before..

…_You did this to find _me_? …You stupid…God damn it… _

"He…was the only one I liked."

How could Roxas have forgotten this friendship, this _more-_than friendship, this Nobody – how could DiZ have touched something so precious? Why _should _Sora be the most important? Without Roxas he was nothing but an overgrown Heartless! And because of it all, because of Sora, because of DiZ, this is where it ended. Axel, who'd done nothing more than try to help him – and thanks to DiZ's manipulation all Roxas had done was fight him – Axel, who'd held back in that fight in Twilight even after Roxas had continually denied him and hurt him, Axel, who'd...Axel, his best friend, was the victim of that _bastard_ and his playing favourites, playing God—

"He made me feel…like I had a heart."

…_Axel…_

All of Roxas' angry thoughts vanished like smoke in wind, leaving nothing but him and Axel, two Nobodies sharing something special in hearts one shouldn't have and one shouldn't use.

_Axel…I'm sorry. This is all my fault…_

"It's funny." Axel turned to smile at him – at _them_, the connection had wavered and he could feel Sora clogging him with being – a true smile, not a smirk, not a wry grin, but a warm smile that set loose a fresh ache in Roxas's heart. Then it was gone, wiped clean by an expression of confusion, "You make me feel…the same…" Axel's eyes held Roxas' – _Sora's_ -, pleading, hoping – Roxas tried to separate himself, tried to show Axel he was here, he was listening, he wasn't going to leave, but the heart's turmoil anchored him, kept him imprisoned no matter how much he struggled, his own strong emotions _longing regret desperation anger despair love_ holding him, binding him, sealing him even as the last desperate glint of hopefaded from dulling green eyes.

_I'm here, I'll be here, right to the end! You won't…won't die alone. I failed before, I left, forgot you – I'll be here for you now. Even if you won't know, even if you can't see me…_

The flash of betrayed dejection was gone as soon as it came, and resolution etched itself across Axel's face.

"Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go." A trembling arm poured Darkness into the Nothingness of Betwixt and Between, coalescing into a dark portal and draining the last vestiges of life from the Nobody. The arm lowered, no energy, no substance left to hold it, Axel gave Roxas – _Sora_ – a sidelong glance and a wan grin and closed his eyes for the final time.

"Axel."

_Axel._

As Axel's husk flaked away like a dead, burnt-out log, Roxas spoke through Sora for the first and last time. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough, nothing would, but what could be said that wouldn't cheapen the memory, turn it into a farce of a friendship, of a romance, what could be said of a relationship that couldn't exist but somehow did, what could be said of a friend who truly deserved to be called "best"?

Nothing. And that's all there was left.


End file.
